Anxiety Disorder

I feel worthless, useless.
A pest, a weight, ruining everything.
I feel broken, shattered, like glass.
I have no hope, no light.
Feeling like running away.
From everything that curses me.
I don't feel like living with this anymore.
I feel like falling, endlessly, into the ocean.
Under the waves, choking, drowning.
Where I try to lift my hands up.
My body is heavy, my mind is scrambled.
I don't think normally anymore.
The words don't have a proper sentence.
I listen to their poison lies, over and over.
I can't do much else, it's the only thing in my head.
I've wished and worked hard.
To no avail have my efforts been.
So I suffer night after night.
Day after day, time after time.
I will continue to suffer, I fear, always.
Forever. I don't think I'll ever get better.
I feel like surrendering. I feel like choking.
I don't feel like I'm alive anymore.
I feel like I'm dead inside.
The emotions I once had, that were strong.
I still feel them, but this stress gets in the way.
No matter what I do it haunts me, follows me.
Even in times of much happiness.
I can't be too happy, or it'll hurt me.
It keeps me down, keeps me sad.
And all I ever wanted to be was happy.